Exploring Values ~ EMPATHY

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“When I grow up and become a boy,” Little Khadijah would say, “then I’m gonna…” and usually this passionate declaration would be followed by the description of some kind of fantastic adventure.

As a child I would make completely outrageous statements that seemed quite the norm to me. Often these claims were met with humor and teasing but I could not be deterred.

“One day they will see.” I thought to myself.

Among these “outlandish” assertions was the belief that over time, shortly after puberty, people change colors and genders. Boys become women, girls become men, White children become Black adults and Black children become White adults. It is God’s way of helping us to understand each other, to literally walk in the shoes of another, thereby planting seeds and harvesting the fruits of genuine empathy. The plan seemed absolutely genius to me. God, I thought, was completely on point and knew exactly how to make life exciting for His people.

“When I grow up and become White,” Little Khadijah would say, then I’m gonna…” Unfortunately, I can’t remember exactly what would follow these increasingly eccentric declarations. I do remember that my musings were completely binary, focusing only on Black and White, female and male, because that’s all my little world could support at the time. It never even donned on me to ask my mother whether she had been a little White boy before she became my resilient Black mother.

For outsiders looking in it would be natural to assume that this mix-up came from my growing up as a young Black girl in a patriarchal, white society. The thought of becoming a White male might seem enticing and offer an opportunity to realize sleeping dreams. While that was part of the journey (and more stories in that space to come) in this particular case my understanding of the world was mostly a result of watching Michael Jackson and RuPaul during the 90s. I watched these men move between genders and skin colors, denying – in my little brown eyes – any boundaries set by science.

Wouldn’t it be so much easier to show empathy, if we knew we would have to walk in another’s shoes at some point? Could we show women more understanding or be more patient with men? Would the Black male appear as threatening if one knew that at some point one would also be housed in the same color skin? Could we be more loving and appreciative of transgender individuals if we were to let go of near- sighted understandings of gender associations?

Little Khadijah was on to something, and she was very disappointed to find that she would not be a part of any such adventures. As an adult I have come to understand that although this plan might have seemed genius in my little eyes, my viewpoint as a child was completely focused on the body and not on the spirit of the individual.

We human beings do tend to concentrate more on the physical aspect of life. We see each other as physical beings as opposed to spiritual beings that give these bodily frames life. On a soul level we transcend the physical, including color, gender, size, and all of the differences that cause us to fear and ostracize those we consider to be the “other”.

There was no need for God to have us change genders and colors mid-life because, if we open up the eyes of the soul, we will recognize that from the outset we have always been the same, emanations of the great Source of Love and Light energy. We are and always have been One.

This teaching of spiritual oneness and the body as form reaches across religions, scientific areas of study, creeds and spiritual teachings many of which I enjoy reading and learning from. In the text A Course in Miracles, an understanding of the body as a frame and the soul as the intended focus, is explained beautifully:

“Who hangs an empty frame upon a wall and stands before it, deep in reverence, as if a masterpiece were there to see? Yet if you see your brother as a body, it is but this you do. The masterpiece that God has set within this frame is all there is to see. The body holds it for a while without obscuring it in anyway. Yet what God has created needs no frame, for what He has created He supports and frames within Himself. His masterpiece He offers you to see. And would you rather see the frame instead of this? And see the picture not at all?”[1]

You are a masterpiece, and your body is the frame that gives this beautiful expression form. The last questions posed in the quote are great questions that we could each ask ourselves honestly. Would I prefer to continue seeing the body and ignoring the beautiful, soulful masterpiece that makes each person special? When we leave this life we cannot take our bodies with us, so wouldn’t it make more sense to focus on the spirit?

The word namasté from the Sanskrit language literally means “bow to you”. When you put your hands palm to palm, look at the person across from you and say namasté, you are basically saying “the masterpiece in me acknowledges and honors the masterpiece in you”. In order for you to accept yourself as a masterpiece, you must also see your fellow beings as masterpieces, looking beyond the frame of the body and directly at the spirit of the individual. The same way when visiting a museum you would look past the frame, directly at the work of art. If this gift has been given to me, then I must recognize that it has been extended to all.

In my experience Empathy finds space in our hearts when we embrace the following:

Empathy can find its way through the heart’s door when we welcome her in by being gentle with ourselves and extending this gentleness to others.

Empathy will settle in our hearts when we let go of fear of the “other” and we acknowledge that, though different, we are all One. Our physical differences simply add an exciting and unique flavor to our inner consistency.

Empathy can become our friend when we let go of the fear of being duped or deceived by another. Empathy actually helps us to sharpen our intuition and recognize falsehoods more quickly and accurately by asking us to go within and perceive via the soul as opposed to perceiving situations via the body’s eyes. When we open our hearts, we increase our ability to read people and situations, making it easier to recognize when to engage and when to move on.

We can allow Empathy houseroom when we understand that how we treat ourselves is how we treat our fellow beings and how we treat our fellow being tends to reflect how we treat ourselves. Why not be good to ourselves? Why not be good to others?

The power of Empathy is the ability to feel with another. Empathy helps us to move according to our spiritual integrity and dignity. Before we act we have the opportunity to ask ourselves: Is this how I would want to be treated? Am I helping to create the highest good for all involved?

To close off I would like to leave you with the words of Albert Einstein, who in a letter (1950) to Robert S. Marcus – a great Samaritan who lost his son to polio – spoke of our journey to transcend the perception of physical separation and to embrace Oneness in order to attain peace within:

“A human being is a part of the whole, called by us “Universe,” a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separate from the rest—a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. The striving to free oneself from this delusion is the one issue of true religion. Not to nourish it but to try to overcome it is the way to reach the attainable measure of peace of mind.”²

Thank you for reading.

Namasté.

[1] Schucman, H. (., & Thetford, W. T. (2009). Chapter 25: The Remedy. In Course in miracles – original edition text – pocket edition (p. 487). Omaha, NE: Course In Miracles Society.

[2] Haymond, B. (2019, May 23). Einstein’s Misquote on the Illusion of Feeling Separate from the Whole. Retrieved September 13, 2020, from https://www.thymindoman.com/einsteins-misquote-on-the-illusion-of-feeling-separate-from-the-whole/